as most of my closer friends know, i have a deep, dark, shameful secret. i am indeed, a mermaid. many of you may have heard of this impostor merman: vulgar link and his obsession with becoming one of us. he makes his own tails, and now is a tailor. for mermaid tails. blasphemy!!! my merfriends and I take great offence, and have decided to come out of the cavern to the world.

real mermaids have real tails. we are born with them and they have real scales NOT SEWED ON SCALES and we can change them into legs whenever we want. that ariel girl was making up stories to get that prince to love her. everyone knows prince eric was mine. quit macking on my man, ariel. quit. go away. also poor ursula, she was a harmless octopus that ariel threw under the bus. then she was all like hans christian anderson!!! write me a story make me the centre of attention!!! special snowflake!!! luv me 5ever hahaha!!! then he was like fine, but i’ll kill ya. then disney was all like noooo poor bb come here we’ll make u love eric 5ever and guess what you have a demon child too hahaha <3333 NO

oh hahaha how embarrassing for me, i didn’t intend to start on that whole triainwreck. haha. WHOOPS. hahaha. prince eric, i’m still available. won’t hold a grudge. haha.  anyway, i normally live with legs, in human form, with my secret human family (parents still think i’m theirs lol eww) for purposes of convenience. the fishing business is getting crayyyy up in there. here and this poor bb and all the evil under the sea. hurting all my friends. except for crabs. guilty pleasure, they taste good.

anyway REAL MERMAIDS FTWWWWWW go away fake merman blasphemy blasphemy

*swim away*

*i have silver in swimming btw*

*not bad*

this is me btw yes i am white in the water  yes i was with that hot jesus guy who’s gonna be finnick odair hahaha then made him a merman hahaha that’s him down there ODAIR HE IS haha my original joke


i’m a mermaid


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