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innocence

The back corridor of the year 4 classrooms face out to Prinsep Street where the new NTUC Income building has been built and they have a kindergarten there for the children whose parents work in NTUC Income and they have a little rooftop garden playground. Sometimes they play there and they’re so loud and happy you can hear them from outside class. They’re not even playing a proper game, just running around. And earlier today I went out during math to escape Sim Kan Chong’s voice (he is a good teacher and he tries but I have math every single day I cannot take it anymore) and me and some people watched those children. Playing. Colouring. And I came to a bitter realisation that I will never be as happy as when I was a child. Ignorance is bliss and I cannot get back my innocence. And it will only get worse. It’s not that I’m sad, not being ignorant means knowing about many many good things and (in my opinion) they far outweigh the bad stuff in this world it’s just that that knowledge and school and life and responsibilities that other people put on me and I put on myself is just such a mental load. 

I need a holiday. 

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